Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
