Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
