chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
