I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
