Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to fling myself into the sun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
