:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
