i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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