shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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