home. puking in laundry basket.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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