ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
