He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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