My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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