cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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