i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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