Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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