The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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