First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
