I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
