I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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