Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
