i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
