mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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