her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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