What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are my feet made of real feet?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
