I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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