I heard we made out
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
