allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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