Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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