Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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