She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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