You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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