Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
