first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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