Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
one two three fourrrrnication!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
