I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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