y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked a lego.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
