He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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