Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
