laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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