He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
