Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
