hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
