stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
