Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
