omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
