You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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