apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
