my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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