She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
