I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
