She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
