Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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