frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize