when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
