the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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