plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
high people should be assigned attendants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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